So tomorrow Jason undergoes hernia surgery. Despite how it’s not as bad as the asshat told us back in December, thoughts continue to linger in the back of my mind. It’s become increasingly obvious that the thought is still in the back of Jason’s mind, as evidenced by the freak out session we went through last night.
Last night was all about how much life insurance I was going to get when he’s gone and how I should just go ahead and sell my wedding ring. Last night was about every awful thought that’s gone through our minds realized. Last night was really about how scared we are.
Seriously, if I ever, ever, ever see that doctor, I’m going to clock him. That kind of poison has nestled in the back of my mind, rearing its ugly head at my weakest moments.
So tomorrow is the surgery. I’ll sit and wait. It’s supposed to take just an hour, and then they’ll keep J overnight for observation (monitor his liver levels). The plan is that I will spend the night in his hospital room… or at least it’s MY plan. Jason thinks it’s crazy, but I don’t know how I’d do if I couldn’t be near him. Not that I can do anything… but it would make me feel at least a bit hopeful in this helplessness.
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